


I Need More Time

by DarkAislinn



Series: Elizabeth "Eliza" Shepard [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-16
Updated: 2013-12-16
Packaged: 2018-01-04 20:13:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1085230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkAislinn/pseuds/DarkAislinn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard is feeling the weight of the world on her shoulders when she's met with a group of young enlisted soldiers, but as always Garrus is there for her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Need More Time

She didn't like it. Never had and she had a deep feeling that she never would. All the pointing, waving, hushed whispers and saluting made her cringe. She hated it. Detested it even, but she had to fake her happiness, fake the joy. She couldn't let them see the weakness or the crumbling armor that she wore.

She stood by Garrus' side; a smile plastered to her face and greeted the eager, smiling and nervous faces of the enlisted soldiers of both the Alliance and Hierarchy.

They're so young, she thought and her heart broke. Her smile never faltered.

So many of them had just graduated training and never been in a real firefight outside of the training simulations. Too many of them eager to fight. For the Alliance, for the Hierarchy. They wanted to be outstanding soldiers. They wanted to be _her_ and the thought made her stomach churn and she had to swallow the sudden bile rising in her throat.

Many of them wouldn't make it. Many of them would hit the ground running and be forced to watch their friends, loved ones and children die around them.

She shook their hands, placed her small hand on their shoulders, look them in the eye and said the words, forced them out of mouth as her soul dimmed, fluttered and threatened to die inside of her, "Be all you can be. Fight hard and stand together against the enemy. The Alliance, the Hierarchy and the people of Earth and Palaven are counting on you." They 'hoorahed' and rumbled. She wanted to curl inside of herself and never feel again. It would be so easy to just not feel, not shed those hot tears, and become hard like granite, cold and unfeeling. So easy.

Her voice wavered on the last note; Garrus glanced at her, his hand reaching out and squeezed her waist. It was reassuring, comforting and everything she needed in that one moment but most of all it gave her strength; _he_ gave her strength, _his_ strength, when he was crumbling away just as she was but they were partners in every sense of the word. They shared everything that was worth sharing; pain, heartache, tears, happiness and energy, what little there was to give in this war.

Her heart skipped a beat, trying to put itself back together as her soul flared out like a solar wind. Before she turned away she looked at them, at the faces she'd probably never see again, and licked her dry lips. "It's okay to be scared. It's okay to want to run away and hide," she said, her voice strong despite everything, which surprised her. "Even if you only manage to maim an enemy and not kill them, it's okay. We - _I_ ," she corrected, "know you've seen me in vids, seen me in action but don't throw yourselves in a battle just because your officers tell you, ‘Commander Shepard is counting on you'. I'm proud of each and everyone one of you, but I want to come back here in a few months and see you, all of you, again. Garrus and I," she reached out and touched his three-fingered hand, "don't want a mission report with any of your names on it. You fight to the best of your abilities and no more. It's okay to know your limits, to know you can fall back on your squad and ask them for help. It's not weakness. That is being a damn fine soldier."

They looked at her. Faces full of confusion and apprehension. "You don't do that though, do you Commander?" A human female, barely old enough to be out of school, asked quietly. Such a pretty face, she thought. Bright, wide blue eyes set in a soft round face and framed with wavy, dark brown hair. Too young, much too young to be forced to see so much death.

Shepard's brow furrowed. "Of course I do," she said without hesitation. "I'm just a soldier like all the rest. I'm not a God and I certainly don't have magic. I have to trust those at my back with my life just as they have to do the same with me. Without my squad there would be no way I could fight and live to tell about it."

"Commander?" asked a young turian male. She looked at him, nodding her head in encouragement. "How do you do it? How do you see so much, experience the things you've been through yet manage to keep going?"

The first answer that wanted to leave her lips was, "I have no choice" but she stopped. That wasn't true, not entirely anyway. Yes she had been thrust into the limelight, into the position of Ambassador, Diplomat and Politician. Yes she had been singled out for Spectre status and taken the honorary title out of a sense of duty to her people. Yes the galaxy relied on her and that, by all rights, had been forced on her but if given the chance to do it all again would she? In a heartbeat. She had to ask herself why and the answer was clear as day even if there was a storm brewing, black and malicious with no intent to back down or relent in the distance. So instead of saying she had no choice, she answered, "I keep going because of the ones that I love. Without that love I probably wouldn't be able to keep fighting. I think of everything and everyone I'd lose if I failed. If I gave up, they would all die and I can't stand the thought. Do I want to live? Of course, but I'd die a million times over for them to live. I would sacrifice everything I am and everything I have for them, for you and everyone in this galaxy if it meant I could end this war."

She felt Garrus' eyes on her. They were hot and she felt as if her skin was burning from his gaze but she didn't look at him. The faces looked at her and she met their gaze. They looked as though they wanted to say something but not how to phrase it. Their commanding officers strode up and whisked them away for which she was grateful.

Garrus' hand touched her arm and finally she allowed herself to look at him. His face was tight, his blue eyes exhausted but his touch was warm. "Ready to head back to the Normandy?"

"No." She knew they had done everything they could and they had to hit the Cerberus base, but she just wanted more _time_. Time alone, time away from the war and time with Garrus. The party at her - Anderson's - apartment had been a blissful slice of peace that they'd managed to carve out of a desperate and evil time.

His brow plate shifted upwards, an adorable humanism he'd learned from her, and his fingers laced with hers. They were different, alien to each other, but they fit perfectly together like puzzle pieces. "So what do you want to do?"

"Can we go to the apartment?" she asked. He smiled and tugged her along towards the rapid transit.

 

* * *

 

The door opened and she never could get over just how amazing the apartment was. It was like an Eden amongst the burning planets that was littering the galaxy.

He dropped onto the nearby couch and patted the cushion next to him, “Come over here and sit with me.”

She tried to smile, but her facial muscles refused to do as she asked. She moved towards him, her legs moving of their own accord and she sat. His arm snaked around her waist, pulling her towards him.

“That was a hell of a speech,” he said against the silence. She pulled her knees up underneath her body and leaned into him. “Want to talk about it?”

She didn’t trust her voice so instead she shook her head and laced their fingers together. After a few moments, he tipped her head up and forced her eyes to meet his. She felt the hot tears betray her and bit her bottom lip.

He bent his head and captured her lips with his less pliable ones. He drank in her sorrow, her pain, her doubts and swallowed them up, making them his.

The more he kissed her, touched her and made her feel alive, safe and loved the more she tears she shed, but he knew, he understood and he did it for her.  

In the aftermath of their lovemaking, when they were lying there in front of the fire, she looked at him, more tears welling in her already burning eyes, and gave him a watery smile. “Thank you. For giving me this, for doing this for me.”

“We needed the time, to just get away and you know I’d do anything for you,” he answered, his large, three-fingered hand grasping hers and pressing his lips against her fingers. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Garrus Vakarian.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoyed it!


End file.
